Such A Fine Ass
by madwriter223
Summary: The secret debate of whose ass is nicer escalates. Humor, obviously. Nathan/Charles, slight Knubbler/Murderface, A lot of booze, the works.


**Such A Fine Ass**

Charles cursed under his breath as he bent down, picking up the papers he had dropped. Honestly, why was it that every time he had to spend an all-nighter the paperwork seemed to run away from him? And if he was projecting his need to sleep by scattering them around constantly in these situations, he should staple them to his desk to avoid it.

After a moment, he became aware of a presence behind him. Or more precisely, a large shadow falling around him.

To his knowledge, the corridor he was in was empty, and all the boys were in the rec room, drinking themselves blind, so it was probably just one of the Klokateers. Though considering the usual happenings around the band, it could just as well be a demon they summoned accidentally (or for fun, depends how drunk they were).

Slowly, he turned his head to look over his shoulder, letting out a small breath of relief when he recognised the silent figure.

"Nathan? Is there something you wanted?"

The front man continued to stare at him, his breath and shirt reeking of beer, then moved suddenly. He grabbed the smaller man, and hefted him over his shoulder, then proceeded to return to the rec room, ignoring the other's protest and demands to be let down.

As he burst into the room, Nathan than bellowed to his band-mates. "You guys! Charlie's got a nice ass!"

Ofdensen's eyes widened, his body stilling in shock. Just what were it the boys were drinking? And in what amount?

Four slurring voices answered the claim.

"No way! Robotsh don't have nishe asshesh!"

"Ya, you stupids, Nat'ans."

"Oh, I don't know, guys. Maybe he does have one." Pickles swayed slightly as he tried to stand. "I mean, we don't know for sure."

"Ya! Charlies, shows us yous ass!"

Charles blinked. He was just about to say 'no' very firmly and possibly kick someone so he could escape the insanity, but then Nathan set him on the floor, a large hand grabbing his nape and forcing him to bend over, his jacket tails hiked onto his back.

"There, yah guys see?" Nathan asked triumphantly, grinning like a madman at the other players. "It's a nice ass, isn't it?"

"Is nice." Toki agreed, nodding his head (and falling over as a result).

Skwisgaar snorted. "I's seen betters."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Ya!"

"No way! Look at it!" Nathan swept his hand in a grand gesture before the item of dispute, as if presenting it to the masses. "It's round, and perky! And, uh, makes you wanna grab it, right?"

Charles just knew four heads were cocked to the side as they considered the statement.

"Ya, kinda dos."

Charles rubbed his temple in mortification. Though he had secretly indulged in fantasies of the front man slinging him over his shoulder and carrying him somewhere to have his dirty way with him, this was usually not the scenario they ended up in. Far from it, actually.

Nathan, meanwhile, was far from finished. "Yeah, it totally does!" he grinned drunkenly. "Look at it! It'd fit right into a hand! I bet it's firm, and the skin soft."

"Yeah, it's nice." Pickles nodded.

"Uh-huh. And look at the shape! Round, but not, uh, like a ball. Flat in the right places, and, and... it's the, uh, perfectest ass ever!"

"Let nots be going that far, Nat'ans."

"Yeah. I mean, I've sheen better."

Nathan looked outraged. "On who?"

Just then, the door opened, and Knubbler walked in. "Hey, I just wanted..." he trailed off, taking in the situation. "Maybe I'll just come back later."

But before he could make his escape, a finger was pointed in his direction. "Hish ish better."

"What?!"

"He ain't gots no ass!"

"Yeah."

"He doesh sho!" Murderface snarled at them, and stalked towards the producer, dragging him over to the still hunched over manager, and made him turn around. "There. That'sh a nishe assh too."

"Is no ass, is wha's is."

"You guysh blind?!" The bassist grabbed Knubbler's pants, pulling them up wedgie-style to display his buttocks better. Which were, in fact, petite. "Shee? He doesh have an assh!"

"Wowie."

"It is there, wha'd yah know."

"My's bad, sorries."

"Hah! And it'sh nisher than the robot'sh!"

"No, it's not!"

"ISH!"

"That might actually be too much. I mean, Charlie's is definitely better."

"Ish not, you guysh are dildosh!"

As the argument progressed, the two men in question glanced at each other.

"Do you have any idea what's all this is about?"

Charles pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to ignore being discussed like a piece of meat. "Apparently, the secret debate which of our behinds is the more attractive one has taken on a not-so-secret form."

"I gathered."

"Mmm."

"...who's winning, do you think?"

"Well, you have William's loyal vote, though Nathan seems to be a follower of mine."

"This might get ugly."

"If Nathan lets go of me, this _will_ get ugly. For all of them."

"It's kinda cute, though."

"You're not the one bent over."

"No, but I'm the one who got wedgied to show my 'assets' better."

"True."

Just then, Nathan roared. "SHUT UP!! I say Charles' ass is nicer, and that's that! If you wanna believe Knubbler's is better, that's, uh, your decision, you dildo!"

"Fine by me!"

"Good! Now," He let go of the smaller man's nape, and hefted him over his shoulder again. "This ass is mine, so I'ma go and appreciate it in private. You guys can have Knubbler."

"We nots wanting him!"

"Don't care." Thus said, Nathan carried the other man out of the room, and to his own bedroom, managing to keep the staggering to the minimum.

And even drunk, he proved to be stronger than any twist Charles' body made in an attempt to free himself, or his loud protests.

*~*

When the two entered the bedroom, Nathan threw the smaller man onto his overgrown bed, pinning him to the mattress.

"Nathan, let go of me, right now." The CFO was obviously not in the mood for any more drunken craziness.

"Nope. Your mine now." The front man murmured, nuzzling at the other, hands moving to knead at the flesh he had obsessed over earlier.

"As flattering as this entire evening has been, you are not going to 'appreciate' my ass or any part of my anatomy."

"...huh?"

"Not happening. Get off me before I murder you."

"Brutal." Nathan grinned, plastering his lips to Charles' in what could almost be a kiss.

Then, with his body laying over the CFO's, warm breath caressing the irritated face, and his hands gripping the firm buttocks, Nathan promptly passed out.

The manager blinked, then shifted to test his capability of leaving. Nada.

"Wonderful."

*~*

The first thing that Nathan did after regaining consciousness was nuzzle at the warm body beneath him, followed closely by the realisation who exactly it was, then the front man proceeded to blush madly, and flee from the room.

The first thing Charles did after regaining his freedom was use the toilet, then take a long shower to clean away the slobber Nathan had left on him during the night. Then, he left to resume his duties as the only sane person in Mordhaus.

That last statement was only enhanced when he had learned Knubbler was now nicknamed 'Knibbler', which probably had something to do with the impressive hickey Murderface was sporting on his neck.

Charles spent most of the day in his office, catching up on the work he had missed the day before, as well as dealing with the new issues that rose that day. He was in the middle of reading through the latest lawsuit, when a tentative knock sounded in the room.

The CFO looked up, surprised and suspicious. Usually, no one knocked on his door. The Klokateers called if something was wrong, and the boys just barged in, heedless of how much to do he had.

"Come in." he called, steeling himself when the front man entered slowly.

Nathan didn't quite look at him, instead opting to shuffle his legs and wring him hands nervously. "Ummm..."

"Was there something you wanted?"

"Yeah... I wanted to apologise for, uh, yesterday."

A twitch of a brow. "It's fine, Nathan. I understand you were drunk."

"Kinda."

"Yes. Well, you are forgiven, and I believe the matter is best to be forgotten."

Nathan was silent for a few moments, the meaning of the sentence coming to him slowly. When he finally got it, his face fell slightly.

"Oh. Umm, I better go then."

Charles frowned at the reaction, then stood up to approach the mountain of a man. "Were you hoping for me not forgiving you?"

"No. But, uh.... you really do have a nice ass." Nathan mumbled, lifting his gaze to the CFO's briefly.

Despite the memory of humiliation that sentence would surely bring forth for the rest of his life, Charles smiled softly. "Really now?"

"Yeah. It's, uh, really nice."

"I gathered."

"And... the rest of you is nice too."

Charles blinked, his smile turning fond. He rose onto tip-toes, and pressed a gentle, barely-there kiss to surprised ones. Brown eyes looked up at green for a few moments, then a voice usually cold and professional became sultry as it murmured. "If you're still sober when I finish work for the day, we can continue this conversation in private."

Nathan's chest flared with warmth in anticipation. "Really?"

"Really." Another quick kiss, and the CFO returned to his desk, picking up the lawsuit and continuing reading.

Nathan stared at him for a long time, head swirling in possible scenarios for how this night would end, then turned around to leave the office, making his hunched way to his bedroom and some attention from his right hand.


End file.
